It Can Only Get Better...Right?

This is what our offense does...

In my 22 years of going to San Francisco Giants games, last night's game against the Chicago Cubs has to be the indisputable Worst Game I Have Ever Been To. The absolute worst.

I came decked out in my usual Giants gear, hopeful that I'd have a great time. I had a cool Brian Wilson "Fear the Beard" shirt on, even though I knew he wasn't going to get in the game. My friend Joey had his Buster Posey shirt on, even though we knew he wasn't there. I had my Giants snuggie [sic] *wearable blanket even though it looks ridiculous. It had the chance to be fun.

Randy Wells has been in the major leagues for four seasons. Overall, he's 26-28 with a career ERA of 3.96. He has never thrown a complete game. He has never thrown a shutout. Not even in the MINORS. That's right. In EIGHT minor league seasons and FIVE in the majors, Randy Wells has never thrown a complete game. And tonight the Giants got a grand total of two hits off of him.

Meanwhile, Tim Lincecum made three bad pitches. And lost. Granted, all three were homeruns, and Lincecum has never given up three homeruns in one game before. But it was a typically un-Lincecum like night. When he's off, he usually walks a few guys, but tonight he got hit. Hard. Out of the park hard.

When Soriano hit his homerun I was worried that the Giants wouldn't get it back. After the three-run homer, I just knew it was over. Not even Mark DeRosa could save us.

I can't even say anything else. This offense is pitiful. There's no help coming when rosters expand in Fresno. After Cody Ross last year, no one is going to drop ANYONE on the doorstep to AT&T Park because they're all looking to keep their own NLCS MVP. Everyone who can help is on the roster right now.

As Bruce Bochy said, THIS is the low point of the season. Bochy cancelled his postgame press conference with reporters, suggesting that they stop asking him questions and ask the hitters instead. I'll go first.

"Dear Giants hitters. WHAT THE F*** GUYS!? That's all I have to say. Also, will you sign this?"

Mike Krukow called the 2-1 extra-inning win over the Astros last week a "gut-check win." Tonight was gut-check loss. There is no lower to go. You can't score negative runs. There's no feeling sorry for this team anymore.

The Giants hitters have to go in the locker room, tie themselves to their chairs, and let all the pitchers beat the crap out of them. I think Tim Lincecum deserves to take a folding chair to Aubrey Huff's face, especially after realizing that he has had 0 runs scored in TEN of his starts. Madison Bumgarner probably knows how to throw punches well, and Cody Ross has way too many pearly whites.

After recovering from their brotherly rough-housing, they all realize what they have to do, and that they're all friends and teammates that should be having fun and not moping around all the time. That's how it happens in the movies. And since the Giants are on Showtime, that's how it should happen now.

Every movie has it's low point in the story. But in the movies it gets better. For the 2011 Giants, the jury's still out.